Sunday, October 16, 2011

Happy Birthday Cori-O!

6 years ago on October 11th, Cori decided to make his appearance into the world and into our family. He was one of my babies who chose to come on his own...kind of! Dr. D did strip my membranes, but that was all it took. The next morning, Coriantum Earle was born! He was 8lbs 1oz and bald. I was so in love with that little man and 6 years later, I still am. He has brought such joy and love into our life and into his siblings lives.

He is generally a very happy kiddo and has been from the start.
Tons of smiles and laughter!
And such Mama's little man!

 He's got these big blues eyes that just melt my heart.
They are so bright and full of life and joy.

 My sweet Cori-O! I spent so much time just enjoying you and
laughing at your antics. You were as goofy as your older brother, Joe.
How could we be so lucky?

 Of course, you have you're quirks. You used to have a green string
that you carried with you...everywhere! And you'd wind it up in your hand.
And if you lost it...oh boy! We'd look all over the place just so you
could have it back...and no other string would do!

You also loved cars, trucks, tractors, lawn mowers and all other things that moved
or made still do!

 And then there's the mystery of your hair....
Notice the picture above? You have light colored hair.
After your first hair happened?
We even got asked by people if we dyed it! Same adorable smile though!

 You always suprise me with all the things
that you manage to collect. You are our little hoarder. ;-)
If something disappears, the first place I check is you "purse"
that Grandma gave you. Amazing what we can find in there.
You used to carry a small blue purse around stuffed full of your treasures...
Thomas the Trains, rope/string, cars, etc...
and to this day you still have a fascination wth collecting
and with ropes, strings and tying knots.

And last year, you were off at preschool for half the day with your TMNT backpack.
My little boy, growing up far too fast

And now you are at kindergarten all day long and too old for that backpack.
Nope, just a plain blue messenger bag.
Where does the time go?

 How glad I am that you are my little boy! You are a wonderful brother and a
great blessing to your mom and dad! How lcuky we are to have you
in our family!
Happy 6th Birthday Cori! We love you!!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

A Life Worth Remembering

October 15th...Just another day for most. Nothing unusual, no reason to stop and recognize the importance of this day to so many people. You may not even realize that on this day, candles all over the world are lit, hearts are poured out in grief and remembrance of lives that were so brief, they may have gone unnoticed by all but a few. But for those of us touched by those short lives, they are life altering and world changing.

I never planned to be a part of this silent club, but then, no one really does. It's exclusive but no one strives to be included. It's unbiased, inviting forcing us into it's ranks without regard to race, religion, age, gender, etc. We come in all shapes and sizes, with backgrounds and stories as different as they are familiar. We are the person next to you in the grocery store, the one with many children or none that you can see. You could be us, and once, we were you. But now, we walk a lonely and terrible path. It is well trodden and yet unmarked; We're left to stumble and find our way through as best we can. Some do it alone, others have those who walk with them, many of us meet friends along the way to share our journey with. Yet, no matter how many have come before us, walk with us or will follow after us on this path, we do it alone. Our grief is private and can't be shared. It is ours alone to bear becuase no one can give back what we have lost...our children.

And although we did not choose this sorrow, this burden, neither would we give it up. It is all we have left of our little ones. To stop grieving, would be to stop remembering and that is unthinkable. Our memories may be few and the physical evidence of the life of our child may be non-existent, but they are no less real and no less loved than the children that are held and cherished here and now. Their names are often left unsaid and to us, that is heartbreaking. Their lives are often forgotten by those around us and we are left to remember in silence. Can you imagine never again hearing the name of your child, or having those around you forget of their existence?

And so it is that today is a day I celebrate. Today is a day that my son isn't forgotten. Today his life, although confined only to the time in my womb, matters. Today, our club is not silent. Although you may not even know that we are here or hear us, we say the names of our precious children. The ones who have never had the chance to say their own names or, perhaps, even heard their name spoken. At 7pm in each time zone, candles are lit, names are said and stories are remembered. Lives that were too short are celebrated and mourned. But for this one day, we are not alone. We are surrounded by those who share our grief, who know our loss, and who walk this lonely journey with us. For 24 hours there is light to brighten our dark path. And for 24 hours our child is not forgotten.

And so, for today, if you will take one moment to stop and say the name of a baby that has been lost, even just to yourself, they will not be forgotten. For today, look around and be aware that you may have friends and family that only want to have the name of their lost child spoken, to know that they are remembered. It is one day, one moment...but it may be the only time in the year that our children matter to anyone but us.

I miss you baby boy! You are my sorrow that I carry every day, the grief that I have been chosen to bear, but you are also my hope, my joy, my son. Today, I say your name for all to hear so that you are not forgotten. I love you Robert Allen!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Then Again, Maybe It's Not!

Putting on these shoes is a process!
Ugh! It is. It's not. Oh, wait, it is. That's what it's been like with Eddie's monkey feet. The original diagnosis of metatarsus adductus was overturned by the nurse practitioner at CMH who diagnosed skewfoot. So we made an appointment to go back to see the Dr and find out what needed to be done. On Oct 4th we headed up there and met Dr J. She looked at Eddie's feet and x-rays and....wait for it...wait for it...nope, not skewfoot. It's metatarsus adductus! She didn't see anything that looked like he might have skewfoot. The treatment for MA...a $90 pair of shoes that insurance won't cover...and there's no guarantee that they'll help. ::sigh:: Oh, well! Far better than the treatment for skewfoot that I read about (casting, surgery). He's supposed to wear the shoes whenever he is awake. Not the most stylish shoes...and not what I would have picked if I HAD to spend $90 on a pair of shoes, but hopefully they work! We go back in 4 months for a follow up so we'll see if there's been a change. And by the way, no, they are not on the wrong feet. :-)

Robert Allen